"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
