I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize