Where is the hickey?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
