We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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