Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
