Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
