It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
