**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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