what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
