You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
pray to the hookup gods
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
