Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
