I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
