Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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