just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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