no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
