You're so nebulous sometimes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
