Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
