You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
