Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
