you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
