Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
