he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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