i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
