You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize