my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
