I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize