fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
