remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
