I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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