Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
