after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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