Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
