I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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