Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
