can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
