Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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