i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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