I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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