He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
