my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize