halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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