There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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