well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
