that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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