You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
