He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
