Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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