If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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