3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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