Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
