i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
