Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
