I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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