Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
operation have a gay friend backfired
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
