i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
