:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is Oprah even human
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize