Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
