I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize