weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
