I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
