She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
