I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
