remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
