Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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