Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
