nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
