I wish I could teleport
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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