I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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