I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
